A General Theory of Love audiobook cover - The science behind falling in love

A General Theory of Love

The science behind falling in love

Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini and Richard Lannon

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Sex & RelationshipsScience

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A General Theory of Love
Brain Evolution & Structure+
The Chemistry of Attachment+
Emotional Programming+
Psychotherapy & Limbic Revision+
Being in Love vs. Loving+

Quiz — Test Your Understanding

Question 1 of 8
According to the text, what evolutionary advantage did the development of the Limbic Brain provide to mammals?
  • A. The ability to make decisions based on careful thinking rather than instinct.
  • B. The capacity to form attachments to their young and create close social groups.
  • C. The regulation of the most basic bodily functions and survival impulses.
  • D. The ability to completely suppress emotional pain during physical trauma.
Question 2 of 8
What did Thomas Insel’s study of two species of voles reveal about the neurotransmitter oxytocin?
  • A. It is responsible for the rapid development of the neocortex in monogamous species.
  • B. It acts as a natural opiate to relieve the emotional pain of abandonment in non-social voles.
  • C. High levels of it are the primary reason why certain vole species mate for life and exhibit strong social attachment.
  • D. It is the chemical responsible for relieving anxiety, allowing unhappy couples to finally separate.
Question 3 of 8
Based on the book's explanation of human evolution, why do some teenagers who experience severe emotional trauma resort to physical self-harm?
  • A. Physical pain stimulates the neocortex, distracting them from limbic emotional responses.
  • B. The reptilian brain associates physical injury with social bonding, creating a false sense of attachment.
  • C. The physical pain depletes the brain's serotonin levels, temporarily reducing feelings of anxiety.
  • D. Self-harm triggers the release of opiates to numb physical pain, which simultaneously relieves emotional pain.
Question 4 of 8
How does the concept of "Attractors" explain our ability to easily read messy handwriting or autocorrect typos?
  • A. Our brains use established ideal prototypes that overpower our perception and correct misshapen letters.
  • B. The neocortex relies on logical deduction to guess the meaning of unfamiliar shapes based on context.
  • C. The brain stores exact photographic memories of every word we have ever seen to compare against.
  • D. High levels of serotonin enhance our visual processing speed when reading familiar texts.
Question 5 of 8
What does the text suggest about "limbic regulation" in adults?
  • A. Adults eventually outgrow the need for external emotional stabilization as their neocortex fully develops.
  • B. Adults who rely on external feedback for emotional stability are exhibiting signs of unresolved childhood trauma.
  • C. Adults continue to require emotional stabilization from outside sources, such as romantic partners or close friends.
  • D. Adults must learn to self-regulate their limbic brains exclusively in order to achieve true emotional independence.
Question 6 of 8
According to the authors, what is the most critical factor for successful psychotherapy?
  • A. The specific theoretical approach and methodological framework the therapist uses.
  • B. The therapist's ability to help the patient modify their network of Attractors through limbic revision.
  • C. The patient's ability to logically analyze their childhood experiences using the neocortex.
  • D. The prescription of medications to permanently alter the patient's serotonin and oxytocin levels.
Question 7 of 8
What is the fundamental difference between "being in love" and "loving," as described in the text?
  • A. Being in love is a mutual, long-term connection, while loving is a fleeting, one-sided infatuation.
  • B. Being in love requires deep knowledge of the other person, whereas loving only requires a short acquaintance.
  • C. Being in love is driven by the neocortex, while loving is strictly a function of the reptilian brain.
  • D. Being in love is a temporary state that rewrites reality, while loving is a long-term, mutual emotional attunement.
Question 8 of 8
From a neurological perspective, why do people who lose a long-term partner often say, "A part of me is gone"?
  • A. Loving partners undergo a literal transformation of their Attractors, creating a shared way of sensing the world.
  • B. The emotional shock permanently damages the limbic brain's ability to produce serotonin.
  • C. The brain's opiate receptors shut down, making it impossible to process the emotional pain of the loss.
  • D. They have lost the only source of oxytocin available to them in adulthood, causing physical withdrawal.

A General Theory of Love — Full Chapter Overview

A General Theory of Love Summary & Overview

In A General Theory of Love, three psychiatrists take a scientific look at the phenomenon of love. Arguing that our emotional experience in adulthood is profoundly influenced by our childhood relationships, the authors suggest ways to undo this emotional “programming” and establish healthier relationships with friends and romantic partners.

Who Should Listen to A General Theory of Love?

  • Anyone interested in the psychology of love
  • Anyone interested in neuroscience
  • Anyone who wants to know what love is

About the Author: Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini and Richard Lannon

The book is written by three psychiatrists: Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini and Richard Lannon, who are professors at the University of California, San Francisco, School of Medicine (UCSF). Lewis is an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry; Amini, a professor of psychiatry; and Lannon, an associate clinical professor of psychiatry.

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