We Need to Talk audiobook cover - How to Have Conversations That Matter

We Need to Talk

How to Have Conversations That Matter

Celeste Headlee

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Communication Skills

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We Need to Talk
The Modern Communication Crisis+
Overcoming Differences+
Avoiding Conversational Narcissism+
Eliciting Great Conversations+
Active Listening Skills+
Speaking with Sensitivity+
The Power of Engagement+

Quiz — Test Your Understanding

Question 1 of 8
What did a study reveal about the mere presence of a cell phone on a table during a conversation between strangers?
  • A. It increased anxiety but led to more honest communication.
  • B. It had a negative impact on the development of trust and empathy.
  • C. It caused the participants to talk more about themselves.
  • D. It had no measurable effect unless the phone buzzed or rang.
Question 2 of 8
What is the main takeaway from the story of civil rights activist Xernona Clayton and KKK member Calvin Craig?
  • A. Forceful persuasion is the most effective way to change someone's deeply held beliefs.
  • B. You should avoid talking to people with radically opposing views to protect your own peace.
  • C. Professional relationships require completely ignoring personal and political beliefs.
  • D. Finding common ground and conversing without judgment can bridge even the most massive ideological divides.
Question 3 of 8
According to sociologist Charles Derber, what is a 'shift response'?
  • A. Changing the topic of conversation when it becomes too uncomfortable or heated.
  • B. Moving the focus of the conversation away from the other person and onto yourself.
  • C. Adjusting your body language to show the speaker that you are actively listening.
  • D. Asking open-ended questions to encourage the speaker to shift their perspective.
Question 4 of 8
What does the author mean by the term 'woolgathering' during a conversation?
  • A. Asking too many detailed questions that end up overwhelming the speaker.
  • B. Trying to comfort someone by sharing a similar personal tragedy of your own.
  • C. Letting your mind drift or thinking about what to say next while the other person is talking.
  • D. Elaborating on every tiny detail so much that the listener loses the story's main thread.
Question 5 of 8
Why does the author compare talking about yourself to eating sugar or having sex?
  • A. Because it activates the exact same pleasure centers in the brain.
  • B. Because it is an addictive habit that requires professional help to break.
  • C. Because it provides a temporary energy boost that quickly fades into fatigue.
  • D. Because it requires a high level of physical and emotional vulnerability.
Question 6 of 8
Why does the author advise against repeating your main points during a conversation?
  • A. It makes the speaker forget the original context of the discussion.
  • B. It causes the listener to feel patronized and insulted.
  • C. While repetition helps the speaker remember, it usually causes the listener to tune out.
  • D. It turns a supportive response into a shift response.
Question 7 of 8
What is a 'shaggy dog' story in the context of this book?
  • A. A conversation where both parties aggressively defend their political views without listening.
  • B. A story that includes so many tiny, unnecessary details that the listener loses the main thread.
  • C. A fabricated story told to make the speaker seem more interesting to strangers.
  • D. An open-ended question that leads the conversation into an awkward silence.
Question 8 of 8
A 2010 study of students in Arizona mapped their happiness against the types of conversations they had. What did it find regarding the happiest students?
  • A. They were the ones who talked the most overall throughout the day.
  • B. They were the ones who avoided difficult or emotionally heavy topics.
  • C. They primarily engaged in small talk, which kept their stress levels low.
  • D. They had the most substantive conversations, showing that quality matters more than quantity.

We Need to Talk — Full Chapter Overview

We Need to Talk Summary & Overview

We Need to Talk (2017) walks you through the art of good conversation – a vital but often undervalued skill. It shows how effective conversation leads to more meaningful relationships and a greater understanding of other people. The book also offers advice on how to improve your own conversation skills.

Who Should Listen to We Need to Talk?

  • People frustrated by superficial conversations
  • Keen talkers who want to become better listeners
  • Conversationalists eager to improve their skills

About the Author: Celeste Headlee

Celeste Headlee is a journalist and broadcaster who hosts the daily news show On Second Thought on Georgia Public Broadcasting. She’s spent more than ten years with NPR, and is also a classically trained singer. Her second book, Do Nothing, is about how to enjoy your leisure time.

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