What will I learn about: why society historically praises men for relentlessly pursuing unrequited love while shaming women for the exact same behavior?

Discover why society historically praises men for relentlessly pursuing unrequited love while shaming women for the exact same behavior.

What will I learn about: the neuroscience behind romantic obsession and how unrequited love activates the same highly addictive neural reward centers as cocaine?

Understand the neuroscience behind romantic obsession and how unrequited love activates the same highly addictive neural reward centers as cocaine.

What will I learn about: Learn the psychological concept of goal linking to see how obsessing over an unavailable partner is often a subconscious pursuit of higher-order needs like self-worth or connection?

Learn the psychological concept of goal linking to see how obsessing over an unavailable partner is often a subconscious pursuit of higher-order needs like self-worth or connection.

What will I learn about: how falling in love alters hormones across genders, actually increasing a woman's testosterone and making her just as biologically driven to pursue a mate as a man?

Find out how falling in love alters hormones across genders, actually increasing a woman's testosterone and making her just as biologically driven to pursue a mate as a man.

What will I learn about: Uncover how childhood trauma and anxious attachment styles can distort reality, blinding romantically obsessed individuals to the dangerous shift from courtship to stalking?

Uncover how childhood trauma and anxious attachment styles can distort reality, blinding romantically obsessed individuals to the dangerous shift from courtship to stalking.

Unrequited

The Thinking Woman’s Guide to Romantic Obsession

Lisa A. Phillips

★ 4.3 / 5(47 ratings)

Start ListeningDownload QR code that opens AudiobookHub on the App Store

Try free on iPhoneScan to start in 5 seconds

Categories:

Sex & Relationships Psychology

If You're Curious About These Questions...

You should listen to this audiobook

💡Have you ever wondered why your brain can become dangerously addicted to someone who doesn’t love you back, making letting go feel almost physically impossible?
💡Did you know there is a surprising, deep-seated link between romantic obsession and the creative spirit—and could your unrequited love actually be a secret source of inspiration?
💡Are you curious about the fine line between passionate pursuit and obsessive behavior, and how you can finally reclaim your life after a one-sided romance?

Listen to Unrequited — Free Audiobook

Loading player...

Key Takeaways from Unrequited

✓Discover why society historically praises men for relentlessly pursuing unrequited love while shaming women for the exact same behavior.
✓Understand the neuroscience behind romantic obsession and how unrequited love activates the same highly addictive neural reward centers as cocaine.
✓Learn the psychological concept of goal linking to see how obsessing over an unavailable partner is often a subconscious pursuit of higher-order needs like self-worth or connection.
✓Find out how falling in love alters hormones across genders, actually increasing a woman's testosterone and making her just as biologically driven to pursue a mate as a man.
✓Uncover how childhood trauma and anxious attachment styles can distort reality, blinding romantically obsessed individuals to the dangerous shift from courtship to stalking.

Learning Tools

Reinforce what you learned from Unrequited

Mind Map

Unrequited

Societal Views & Gender+

The Science of Obsession+

Root Causes of Pursuit+

The Dark Side: Madness+

The Silver Lining: Creativity+

Coping & Development+

Quiz — Test Your Understanding

Question 1 of 7

According to the text, why does society historically subscribe to a double standard that views a woman's pursuit of unrequited love as shameful?

A. Women are considered biologically less capable of handling the psychological impact of rejection.
B. It stems from the biological hypothesis that women shouldn't waste their limited childbearing years pursuing someone they might not have children with.
C. Women historically lacked the financial independence necessary to actively pursue romantic partners.
D. Ancient literature and religions solely depicted men as the victims of lovesickness, making female pursuit unnatural.

Question 2 of 7

What biological explanation does anthropologist Helen Fisher provide for why romantic obsession can be so addictive?

A. It increases the production of oxytocin, which creates an unbreakable biological bond.
B. It triggers a constant release of adrenaline, causing a highly addictive fight-or-flight response.
C. It activates the same neural reward centers in the brain as cocaine.
D. It suppresses the frontal lobe, completely removing a person's ability to reason or stop.

Question 3 of 7

How do professors William Cupach and Brian Spitzberg explain the concept of 'goal linking' in romantic obsession?

A. The obsession is a subconscious strategy to avoid true intimacy and long-term commitment.
B. People link their romantic success directly to their professional ambitions and financial goals.
C. The brain links the physical appearance of the desired person to a comforting childhood caregiver.
D. Pursuing the affection of another (a lower-order goal) is done to achieve higher-order goals, such as finding self-worth or easing loneliness.

Question 4 of 7

Despite societal expectations, how do hormonal changes during the early stages of love affect men and women differently?

A. Estrogen levels spike in women but remain completely unchanged in men.
B. Dopamine is released in men's brains, whereas serotonin is primarily released in women's.
C. Testosterone levels increase in women but drop in men, heightening women's masculine fighting spirit.
D. Cortisol levels drop in women, making them more relaxed, but drastically increase in men.

Question 5 of 7

How does the text explain the psychology of a stalker who believes their intrusive behavior is a genuine expression of love?

A. They suffer from a neurological disorder that prevents them from recognizing fear in others.
B. They become narcissistic, viewing the other person as an extension of themselves and failing to distinguish their own desires from the other's.
C. They are consciously attempting to punish the other person for the pain of emotional rejection.
D. They have been conditioned by societal norms to believe that aggressive persistence always leads to reciprocation.

Question 6 of 7

What neurological similarity exists between doing creative work and being in love?

A. Both trigger a massive release of endorphins that induce a state of physical exhaustion.
B. Both cause the brain to rapidly alternate between the left and right hemispheres.
C. Both completely bypass the amygdala, eliminating all feelings of fear and anxiety.
D. Both release dopamine while reducing blood flow to areas responsible for judgment and negative emotions.

Question 7 of 7

According to child and family psychologist Richard Weissbourd, why are unrequited crushes actually beneficial for teenagers?

A. They act as an emotional cocoon, allowing teens to practice intense emotions without the risks of getting hurt in a real relationship.
B. They teach teenagers how to effectively navigate and manipulate complex social hierarchies.
C. They force teenagers to focus on their academic and creative goals to distract themselves from rejection.
D. They rapidly mature the brain's prefrontal cortex by introducing manageable amounts of emotional trauma.

Unrequited — Full Chapter Overview

1Recommendation
2In society’s eyes, unrequited love is acceptable for men, but not for women – unless it’s fictional.
3Romantic obsession may be an illness, yet it can also steer us toward our ultimate goals.
4Our quest for love is driven by bonding and attachment needs, not by gender.
5Unrequited love has the power to make people behave like lunatics.
6Unrequited love may be an artist’s greatest ally.
7Therapeutic techniques can free adults from self-destructive infatuation, while crushes train teens in love.

Unrequited Summary & Overview

Unrequited (2015) is a guide to the human obsession with people who will never love us. These blinks explore how romantic obsession affects both the obsessed and the object of their desire, why some people are more prone to stalker behavior than others and how to deal with the fallout of unrequited love.

Who Should Listen to Unrequited?

People who can’t let go of their ex
Women who are unsure whether it’s appropriate for them to initiate a relationship
Romantically obsessed creatives

About the Author: Lisa A. Phillips

Lisa A. Phillips wrote the book Public Radio: Behind the Voices and contributes to the New York Times, Psychology Today and Cosmopolitan. She is the recipient of multiple reporting awards and is a journalism professor at the State University of New York at New Paltz.

Unrequited

If You're Curious About These Questions...

Listen to Unrequited — Free Audiobook

Key Takeaways from Unrequited

Learning Tools

Mind Map

Quiz — Test Your Understanding

Unrequited — Full Chapter Overview

Unrequited Summary & Overview

Who Should Listen to Unrequited?

About the Author: Lisa A. Phillips

Books Similar to Unrequited