What will I learn about: the three essential types of feedback—appreciation, coaching, and evaluation—and learn how to ask for the specific type you need to grow?

Discover the three essential types of feedback—appreciation, coaching, and evaluation—and learn how to ask for the specific type you need to grow.

What will I learn about: bypass your defensive reactions by uncovering the true context and intentions behind vague or generic criticism?

Learn how to bypass your defensive reactions by uncovering the true context and intentions behind vague or generic criticism.

What will I learn about: why we naturally judge ourselves by our good intentions while others judge us by our actions, and use this insight to illuminate your blind spots?

Understand why we naturally judge ourselves by our good intentions while others judge us by our actions, and use this insight to illuminate your blind spots.

What will I learn about: Realize why we struggle to see our own performance objectively, and learn how to use the valuable outside perspectives of others to your advantage?

Realize why we struggle to see our own performance objectively, and learn how to use the valuable outside perspectives of others to your advantage.

What will I learn about: Overcome the tendency to dismiss criticism based on your personal relationship with the messenger, ensuring you never miss out on valid advice from unexpected sources?

Overcome the tendency to dismiss criticism based on your personal relationship with the messenger, ensuring you never miss out on valid advice from unexpected sources.

Thanks for the Feedback

The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen

★ 4.3 / 5(226 ratings)

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Categories:

Communication Skills

If You're Curious About These Questions...

You should listen to this audiobook

💡Have you ever wondered why even the best advice can feel like a personal attack, and how you can stop that reaction from holding you back?
💡Did you know that there are three distinct types of feedback, and that most of our conflicts come from simply providing the wrong one?
💡What if you could decode your own psychological 'triggers' to turn even the harshest criticism into a powerful tool for growth?

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Key Takeaways from Thanks for the Feedback

✓Discover the three essential types of feedback—appreciation, coaching, and evaluation—and learn how to ask for the specific type you need to grow.
✓Learn how to bypass your defensive reactions by uncovering the true context and intentions behind vague or generic criticism.
✓Understand why we naturally judge ourselves by our good intentions while others judge us by our actions, and use this insight to illuminate your blind spots.
✓Realize why we struggle to see our own performance objectively, and learn how to use the valuable outside perspectives of others to your advantage.
✓Overcome the tendency to dismiss criticism based on your personal relationship with the messenger, ensuring you never miss out on valid advice from unexpected sources.

Learning Tools

Reinforce what you learned from Thanks for the Feedback

Mind Map

Thanks for the Feedback

Three Types of Feedback+

Understanding Feedback+

Identifying Blind Spots+

Relationship Triggers+

Brain Wiring and Emotions+

Cultivating a Growth Mentality+

Quiz — Test Your Understanding

Question 1 of 7

What are the three main types of feedback discussed in the book?

A. Criticism, praise, and guidance
B. Motivation, direction, and grading
C. Appreciation, coaching, and evaluation
D. Observation, intervention, and reflection

Question 2 of 7

What did a 2007 survey reveal about how managers view their own performance?

A. 90 percent of managers believed their performance was in the top ten percent, highlighting our lack of objective self-awareness.
B. Most managers felt they received too much evaluation feedback and not enough appreciation.
C. 50 percent of managers admitted they were unable to accurately evaluate their employees' blind spots.
D. Managers who operated with a 'growth mentality' were 3,000 percent more effective at their jobs.

Question 3 of 7

According to the text, why do we often interpret our own mistakes differently than others do?

A. We focus on the long-term impact of our mistakes, while others focus on the short-term consequences.
B. We judge ourselves by our actions, while we judge others by their underlying intentions.
C. We naturally possess a higher baseline of happiness that causes us to ignore our own flaws.
D. We tend to blame our mistakes on circumstances, while others are more likely to blame our character.

Question 4 of 7

Why does feedback often create tension in our closest relationships?

A. It shifts the relationship dynamic from a partnership to a formal evaluation, which is only appropriate in the workplace.
B. It threatens our fundamental expectations in a relationship, such as feeling appreciated and having the freedom to do things our own way.
C. It forces us to acknowledge that our partner's communication style is superior to our own.
D. It triggers our brain's threat detection system by focusing exclusively on past actions rather than future growth.

Question 5 of 7

How does our biological brain wiring affect how we process feedback?

A. People with stronger left-brain activity tend to recover from negative feedback much more slowly.
B. We are biologically wired to feel bad emotions more strongly than good ones in order to detect threats and survive.
C. Our life experiences account for 90 percent of our baseline happiness, making biological factors largely irrelevant.
D. The brain's memory center completely blocks out negative feedback if it contradicts a deeply held fixed identity.

Question 6 of 7

How does adopting an 'all or nothing' identity label (like 'I'm a hard worker') impact our ability to receive feedback?

A. It helps us filter out unconstructive criticism and focus entirely on our natural strengths.
B. It allows us to clearly separate our professional performance from our personal self-worth.
C. It causes us to perceive negative feedback as a threat to our entire identity, leading to defensiveness.
D. It makes us more resilient because we have a strong, unshakeable foundation of self-belief.

Question 7 of 7

What is the primary benefit of developing a 'growth mentality' when dealing with feedback?

A. It allows you to automatically filter out feedback from people who do not have your best interests at heart.
B. It helps you view your personality traits as fixed, providing a stable foundation to reject unfair criticism.
C. It ensures that your baseline level of happiness remains entirely unaffected by negative evaluations.
D. It encourages you to perceive challenges as opportunities and feedback as a valuable way to learn and improve.