The High-Conflict Couple audiobook cover - A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy & Validation

The High-Conflict Couple

A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy & Validation

Alan E. Fruzzetti

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Categories:
Sex & RelationshipsMindfulness & HappinessPsychologyCommunication Skills

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The High-Conflict Couple
Emotional Regulation+
Quality Time & Connection+
Healthy Conversations+
Managing Problems+
Practicing Acceptance+

Quiz — Test Your Understanding

Question 1 of 6
According to the book, what happens when a person's emotional arousal moves past a moderate level?
  • A. They become highly alert and their performance in communication improves.
  • B. Their primary goal unconsciously shifts to simply reducing their feelings of negative arousal.
  • C. They naturally express their underlying emotions more accurately to their partner.
  • D. Their baseline emotional state permanently resets to a higher, more reactive level.
Question 2 of 6
How does the author distinguish between 'passive' and 'active' togetherness?
  • A. Passive togetherness involves quiet activities like reading, while active togetherness requires deep, scintillating conversations.
  • B. Passive togetherness reduces conflict, whereas active togetherness often leads to emotional arousal and arguments.
  • C. Passive togetherness is physical proximity without attention, which can increase loneliness, while active togetherness means occupying the same emotional space.
  • D. Passive togetherness happens when partners are asleep, while active togetherness requires planning expensive or elaborate shared activities.
Question 3 of 6
When engaging in healthy conversations, why does the author compare stating your wants to ordering at a restaurant?
  • A. Because you should expect your partner to serve your emotional needs immediately.
  • B. Because you need to be direct and upfront about exactly what you want in order to get it.
  • C. Because conversations should only happen in public places to prevent loud arguments.
  • D. Because you should always offer your partner a menu of options to choose from.
Question 4 of 6
In the context of effective verbal communication, what does 'validation' mean?
  • A. Agreeing completely with your partner's point of view and admitting you were wrong.
  • B. Proving that your partner's emotional response is factually and logically correct.
  • C. Offering immediate solutions to fix whatever is causing your partner's distress.
  • D. Communicating understanding and acceptance of your partner's emotions, even if you disagree.
Question 5 of 6
Why does the author prefer the term 'managing' a relationship problem rather than 'solving' it?
  • A. Because true solutions require the intervention of a professional therapist.
  • B. Because most relationship issues require ongoing attention and communication, much like paying recurring bills.
  • C. Because solving a problem implies that one partner has to completely change their personality.
  • D. Because focusing on permanent solutions creates too much negative emotional arousal.
Question 6 of 6
What strategy does the author suggest for dealing with a partner's behavior that you cannot change?
  • A. Continue expressing your frustration until your partner finally realizes the impact of their actions.
  • B. Temporarily separate until the negative emotional arousal associated with the behavior subsides.
  • C. Use mindfulness to find new meaning in the behavior by linking the traits you dislike to the traits you appreciate.
  • D. Ignore the behavior entirely and spend more passive time together to avoid conflict.

The High-Conflict Couple — Full Chapter Overview

The High-Conflict Couple Summary & Overview

The High-Conflict Couple (2007) is a guide to overcoming the common relationship pitfalls that lead to conflict and animosity. Drawing upon years of psychology research and therapy experience, Alan E. Fruzzetti explains where conflict comes from and how it can be reduced.

Who Should Listen to The High-Conflict Couple?

  • Couples tired of fighting with each other
  • People who struggle to accept the things they cannot change
  • Anyone wanting to be more present in their own life

About the Author: Alan E. Fruzzetti

Alan E. Fruzzetti, PhD, is associate professor of psychology and director of the Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Research Program at the University of Nevada, Reno. He provides extensive training, supervision, and consultation for DBT treatment programs and DBT research in the United States and abroad. Fruzzetti is also research director and member of the board of directors of the National Educational Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder and a co-developer of the Family Connections Program. 

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