How to Have Impossible Conversations audiobook cover - A Very Practical Guide

How to Have Impossible Conversations

A Very Practical Guide

Peter Boghossian and James A. Lindsay

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Communication SkillsPhilosophy

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How to Have Impossible Conversations
Core Philosophy+
Foundational Skills+
Exposing Knowledge Limits+
Rapoport's Rules+
Handling Evidence & Logic+
Advanced Techniques+
Actionable Advice+

Quiz — Test Your Understanding

Question 1 of 10
Why is coercion considered a bad way to change someone's mind?
  • A. It is illegal in most conversational settings.
  • B. It is pragmatically ineffective and simply doesn't work.
  • C. It causes the other person to use Rapoport's Rules.
  • D. It leads to the 'unread library effect'.
Question 2 of 10
What was the main takeaway from psychologist Kurt Lewin's 1940s study about persuading housewives to use offal?
  • A. People are more likely to accept ideas they generate themselves rather than messages delivered by others.
  • B. Fact-filled lectures are the most efficient way to change public behavior during a crisis.
  • C. Providing concrete evidence is the only way to overcome deeply held moral beliefs.
  • D. People will only change their habits if they are offered a financial incentive.
Question 3 of 10
According to the text, what is 'parallel talk' and why should it be avoided?
  • A. Discussing two controversial topics at the same time, which overwhelms the listener.
  • B. Using someone else's story as a cue to start talking about your own life, which undermines connection.
  • C. Agreeing with everything the other person says, which prevents true intellectual growth.
  • D. Speaking at the exact same time as your partner, which shows a lack of listening skills.
Question 4 of 10
How can a conversationalist effectively use 'modeling ignorance' to plant a seed of doubt?
  • A. By pointing out the specific logical fallacies in their opponent's argument.
  • B. By feigning ignorance and asking open-ended questions to let the other person explain the nitty-gritty details.
  • C. By ignoring the opponent's main points and changing the subject to something simpler.
  • D. By stating outright that neither party knows enough about the topic to discuss it.
Question 5 of 10
What is the first step of 'Rapoport's Rules' for voicing disagreements civilly?
  • A. State exactly what evidence would be required to change your own mind.
  • B. List every point of agreement between you and your conversation partner.
  • C. Tell your partner what you have learned from their argument.
  • D. Attempt to rephrase your partner's position clearly and fairly in your own words.
Question 6 of 10
Why does introducing factual evidence often backfire when trying to change someone's deeply entrenched beliefs?
  • A. It gives the opponent a reason to defensively dig in and makes their beliefs more entrenched.
  • B. It violates Rapoport's Rules of conversation by skipping the rapport-building phase.
  • C. It causes the opponent to use 'parallel talk' to distract from the facts.
  • D. It forces the opponent to immediately build a 'golden bridge' to exit the conversation.
Question 7 of 10
What is the purpose of asking a 'disconfirming question' during a difficult conversation?
  • A. To prove that the other person's beliefs are morally wrong.
  • B. To abruptly end the conversation when it becomes too heated.
  • C. To probe the internal logic of a belief by asking what it would take for the person to abandon their views.
  • D. To demonstrate your own expertise on the subject matter being discussed.
Question 8 of 10
In the context of the hostage negotiation techniques mentioned in the book, what does 'mirroring' involve?
  • A. Copying the physical body language and posture of your conversation partner.
  • B. Repeating the last two or three words your partner said, phrased as a question.
  • C. Agreeing with your partner's emotional state to build rapid empathy.
  • D. Stating your own opposing view in the exact same tone of voice as your partner.
Question 9 of 10
What does it mean to build a 'golden bridge' for your conversation partner?
  • A. Offering them a graceful exit so they can change their mind without losing face.
  • B. Giving them a compliment before delivering a harsh critique.
  • C. Providing undeniable evidence that completely destroys their argument.
  • D. Finding a mutual friend or common interest that connects the two of you.
Question 10 of 10
What does the book mean by listening to your 'moral dialect'?
  • A. Paying attention to the tone and volume of your voice when you are angry.
  • B. Recognizing that you may use value-laden words (like 'freedom' or 'racism') differently than others do.
  • C. Ensuring that your arguments are strictly based on logic rather than emotion.
  • D. Judging the ethical validity of your opponent's arguments before responding.

How to Have Impossible Conversations — Full Chapter Overview

How to Have Impossible Conversations Summary & Overview

How to Have Impossible Conversations (2019) is a guide to having frank conversations that don’t end in tears. Philosopher Peter Boghossian and scientist James Lindsay argue that however prickly the topic, we all profit when we air our disagreements – provided we’re out to learn something, not just shout our opponents down. These blinks will explore techniques that facilitate respectful dialogue, from rules of building rapport to the art of convincing your sparring partner to reexamine her assumptions. 

Who Should Listen to How to Have Impossible Conversations ?

  • Critical thinkers who love a good argument
  • Skeptics intent on dismantling irrational dogmas
  • Quiet rationalists fed up with all the shouting

About the Author: Peter Boghossian and James A. Lindsay

Peter Boghossian is an assistant professor of philosophy at Portland State University, Oregon. He is a speaker at the Center of Inquiry, and he lectures internationally with the Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science. He is also the author of A Manual for Creating Atheists. 

James Lindsay holds degrees in physics and mathematics. He has written five books including Cynical Theories, a study of postmodern thought in scholarship and activism. Lindsay is a regular contributor to Time, Scientific American, and Philosopher’s Magazine.

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