Why Are We Yelling? audiobook cover - The Art of Productive Disagreement

Why Are We Yelling?

The Art of Productive Disagreement

Buster Benson

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Communication Skills

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Why Are We Yelling?
Reframing Arguments+
The Role of Anxiety+
Internal Voices+
Navigating Biases+
Owning Perspective+
The Power of Questions+
Choosing Debate Partners+
Neutral Environments+
Handling Repellent Ideas+

Quiz — Test Your Understanding

Question 1 of 10
What does the author believe is the true nature of an argument?
  • A. A sign of a failing relationship that should be avoided.
  • B. A red flag signaling that something important is at stake.
  • C. A toxic exchange resulting from cognitive dissonance.
  • D. A competition of logic where one person must eventually concede.
Question 2 of 10
According to the book, what are the three broad categories of argument-triggering anxieties?
  • A. Past, Present, and Future
  • B. Logic, Empathy, and Action
  • C. Head, Heart, and Hands
  • D. Power, Reason, and Avoidance
Question 3 of 10
When experiencing cognitive dissonance during a conflict, which internal 'voice' is most helpful for productive disagreement?
  • A. The voice of reason
  • B. The voice of power
  • C. The voice of possibility
  • D. The voice of avoidance
Question 4 of 10
How does 'in-group favoritism' negatively impact our ability to have productive disagreements?
  • A. It makes us overly critical of people within our own social circles.
  • B. It forces us to rely only on information we can immediately remember.
  • C. It causes us to quickly dismiss the perspectives of people outside our group.
  • D. It leads us to agree with others just to avoid conflict.
Question 5 of 10
In the story of Bob and Sofia, what is highlighted as a major weakness when trying to understand an opponent's argument?
  • A. Speculating about the opponent's perspective instead of asking them.
  • B. Failing to present enough factual evidence to support your claim.
  • C. Letting emotions dictate the pace of the conversation.
  • D. Assuming the opponent has the same availability heuristic as you.
Question 6 of 10
Why does the author compare bad questioning in an argument to the game of Battleship?
  • A. Because the questions are fired rapidly without waiting for an answer.
  • B. Because the questions are designed to guess the opponent's hidden biases.
  • C. Because the questions are closed and calibrated to 'sink' the other person's argument.
  • D. Because the questions rely on pure luck rather than strategic thinking.
Question 7 of 10
What does the term 'nutpicking' refer to in the context of a debate?
  • A. Highlighting the blind spots and flaws in your own logic.
  • B. Finding the person with the weakest or silliest arguments to easily defeat them.
  • C. Focusing entirely on the smallest, most trivial details of an opponent's argument.
  • D. Choosing the wisest, most credible person who opposes your views.
Question 8 of 10
Which of the following is a characteristic of an ideal, neutral space for productive disagreements?
  • A. Strict censorship of controversial or offensive ideas.
  • B. A designated leader who arbitrates and decides who wins the debate.
  • C. Mandatory participation where no one is allowed to leave until a resolution is reached.
  • D. Flexibility to evolve and an environment where participants can enter and leave freely.
Question 9 of 10
What does the author suggest is the danger of using the 'voice of avoidance' when encountering highly offensive or dangerous ideas?
  • A. It gives the offensive ideas too much unnecessary airtime.
  • B. It prevents you from using the availability heuristic.
  • C. It tends to radicalize extremists even further.
  • D. It forces you to endorse ideas you don't actually believe in.
Question 10 of 10
What actionable advice does the author give for shifting heated digital arguments into a more productive space?
  • A. Move the discussion to a formal debate platform.
  • B. Hash the issues out over a real-life potluck supper.
  • C. Write a long-form email to clearly state your points without interruption.
  • D. Bring in a neutral third-party mediator to read the chat logs.

Why Are We Yelling? — Full Chapter Overview

Why Are We Yelling? Summary & Overview

In Why Are We Yelling? (2019) Buster Benson destigmatizes disagreement. Arguments aren’t bad, says Benson, unless they’re unproductive. What’s more, learning to disagree well can help you strengthen your personal relationships, perform better professionally, and broaden your perspective on the world. 

Who Should Listen to Why Are We Yelling??

  • News addicts who feel freaked out about today’s polarized political landscape
  • Conflict-phobes who would rather do anything other than argue
  • Frazzled couples who can’t stop rehashing that one tired fight over and over again

About the Author: Buster Benson

Buster Benson has over 20 years experience as a product leader at some of Silicon Valley’s most established companies. He has seen firsthand how unproductive disagreement can derail projects and how productive disagreement can boost performance. Now Buster specializes in teaching some of the world’s leading firms how to argue constructively. He’s collaborated with Amazon, Slack, and Twitter, among others.

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