What We Say Matters audiobook cover - Practicing Nonviolent Communication

What We Say Matters

Practicing Nonviolent Communication

Judith Hanson Lasater and Ike K. Lasater

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Communication Skills

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What We Say Matters
Foundational Concepts+
The 4 Elements of NVC+
Practicing NVC+
Managing Difficult Emotions+
Transforming Relationships+
Wider Applications+

Quiz — Test Your Understanding

Question 1 of 10
What two principles from the Yoga Sutra form the foundation of 'right speech' as described in the text?
  • A. Truth (satya) and non-harming (ahimsa)
  • B. Logic (tarka) and discipline (tapas)
  • C. Peace (shanti) and devotion (bhakti)
  • D. Observation (dhyana) and action (karma)
Question 2 of 10
According to Nonviolent Communication (NVC), what is the primary difference between an observation and a judgment?
  • A. Observations are emotional, while judgments are strictly logical.
  • B. Observations are statements of objective fact, while judgments are subjective.
  • C. Observations focus on other people, while judgments focus on oneself.
  • D. Observations are always positive, while judgments are inherently negative.
Question 3 of 10
In the context of NVC, what is the primary function of our feelings?
  • A. They act as subconscious signals indicating whether our needs are being met.
  • B. They are irrational impulses that should be suppressed during conflicts.
  • C. They serve as tools to persuade others to change their behavior.
  • D. They are defensive reactions designed to protect our ego from criticism.
Question 4 of 10
What is the defining characteristic of a genuine request in Nonviolent Communication?
  • A. It must be repeated until the other person complies.
  • B. It requires the speaker to adopt a submissive tone of voice.
  • C. It is open to the possibility that it will not be accepted.
  • D. It includes a detailed explanation of the consequences of non-compliance.
Question 5 of 10
What negative consequence often occurs when people act out of a fear of judgment rather than addressing their own needs?
  • A. They become overly aggressive in their communication style.
  • B. They experience a 'negative residue' or resentment toward others.
  • C. They lose their ability to empathize with their conversation partner.
  • D. They develop an inflated sense of self-worth and arrogance.
Question 6 of 10
How does the book suggest dealing with the powerful emotion of anger?
  • A. Express it immediately and loudly to ensure you are heard.
  • B. Suppress the emotion until you are in a safe, private space.
  • C. Channel the anger into a direct demand for the other person to change.
  • D. Use empathy to uncover the deeper, underlying feelings like hurt or fear.
Question 7 of 10
How does the text suggest we reframe the act of sharing our feelings and making requests of our partners?
  • A. As a test of their loyalty and commitment to the relationship.
  • B. As a gift that gives them the opportunity to meet our needs.
  • C. As a necessary burden they must bear to maintain harmony.
  • D. As an exercise in asserting dominance within the household.
Question 8 of 10
Why do children often respond with resentment when parents constantly make demands of them?
  • A. Because children naturally lack the capacity for empathy.
  • B. Because demands fail to provide clear, actionable instructions.
  • C. Because demands threaten the child's fundamental need for autonomy.
  • D. Because children do not understand the logical need for cleanliness.
Question 9 of 10
What is recommended as a productive way to handle your own mistakes using NVC principles?
  • A. Immediately apologize to everyone involved to minimize the damage.
  • B. Practice self-empathy to identify your feelings and unmet needs, making it easier to forgive yourself.
  • C. Deflect the blame to external circumstances to protect your professional status.
  • D. Harshly criticize yourself so you remember not to make the same error again.
Question 10 of 10
What actionable advice does the book offer for navigating chaotic group environments, such as a conference?
  • A. Practice silent self-empathy by writing down your feelings and unmet needs.
  • B. Assertively interrupt the conversation to ensure your voice is heard.
  • C. Temporarily lower your expectations and agree with the majority opinion.
  • D. Wait until the end of the meeting to express all of your frustrations at once.

What We Say Matters — Full Chapter Overview

What We Say Matters Summary & Overview

What We Say Matters (2009) is a guide to communicating with compassion, openness and honesty. These blinks explain how to connect with your needs, as well as those of others, while speaking in a way that communicates your feelings clearly without causing suffering.

Who Should Listen to What We Say Matters?

  • Anyone who wants to improve their communication skills
  • People involved in spiritual practice
  • Readers who are interested in the intricacies of human nature

About the Author: Judith Hanson Lasater and Ike K. Lasater

Judith Hanson Lasater has been a yoga teacher since 1971 and is also the president of the California Yoga Teachers Association. She has a doctorate in East-West psychology.

Ike K. Lasater is one of the cofounders of Mediate Your Life, a company that teaches people how to handle conflict. He was previously a trial attorney and has served on the mediation panel for the United States District Court for the Northern District of California.

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