What will I learn about: Emotionally unavailable men rely on inconsistent, hot-and-cold behavior to avoid real intimacy and keep relationships strictly on their own terms?

Emotionally unavailable men rely on inconsistent, hot-and-cold behavior to avoid real intimacy and keep relationships strictly on their own terms.

What will I learn about: Beware of 'future fakers' who move the relationship at breakneck speed and make grand promises early on that they have no intention of keeping?

Beware of 'future fakers' who move the relationship at breakneck speed and make grand promises early on that they have no intention of keeping.

What will I learn about: Mr. Unavailable thrives in the ambiguity of undefined relationships, offering just enough 'breadcrumbs' of affection to keep you hooked without ever fully committing?

Mr. Unavailable thrives in the ambiguity of undefined relationships, offering just enough 'breadcrumbs' of affection to keep you hooked without ever fully committing.

What will I learn about: Emotional outbursts or tearful sob stories from unavailable men are often manipulative tactics used to project blame and avoid taking responsibility for their actions?

Emotional outbursts or tearful sob stories from unavailable men are often manipulative tactics used to project blame and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

What will I learn about: To stop being a 'Fallback Girl,' you must stop trying to fix unavailable men and instead focus on establishing your own firm boundaries and self-worth?

To stop being a 'Fallback Girl,' you must stop trying to fix unavailable men and instead focus on establishing your own firm boundaries and self-worth.

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Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl

The Definitive Guide to Understanding Emotionally Unavailable Men and the Women that Love Them

Natalie Lue

★ 4.5 / 5(149 ratings)

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Categories:

Sex & Relationships

If You're Curious About These Questions...

You should listen to this audiobook

💡Have you ever wondered why a partner who talks about your future together on the very first date might actually be using a deceptive tactic called 'future faking'?
💡Are you curious about which specific 'Fallback Girl' archetype you fit into—and whether being a 'Florence,' a 'Buffer,' or a 'Flogger' is what’s keeping you stuck?
💡What if the secret to breaking your cycle of 'bad luck' in love has nothing to do with the men you date, and everything to do with a surprising realization about your own emotional availability?

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Key Takeaways from Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl

✓Emotionally unavailable men rely on inconsistent, hot-and-cold behavior to avoid real intimacy and keep relationships strictly on their own terms.
✓Beware of 'future fakers' who move the relationship at breakneck speed and make grand promises early on that they have no intention of keeping.
✓Mr. Unavailable thrives in the ambiguity of undefined relationships, offering just enough 'breadcrumbs' of affection to keep you hooked without ever fully committing.
✓Emotional outbursts or tearful sob stories from unavailable men are often manipulative tactics used to project blame and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
✓To stop being a 'Fallback Girl,' you must stop trying to fix unavailable men and instead focus on establishing your own firm boundaries and self-worth.

Learning Tools

Reinforce what you learned from Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl

Mind Map

Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl

Recognizing Mr. Unavailable+

The Fallback Girl Archetypes+

Understanding the Root Causes+

Breaking the Cycle+

Quiz — Test Your Understanding

Question 1 of 9

What realization did Natalie Lue have after experiencing a panic attack while on a date with her married boyfriend?

A. She realized that her boyfriend was finally going to leave his wife for her.
B. She realized she was the common factor in her unsuccessful relationships and was settling for bad treatment.
C. She realized that she needed to find a man who was more financially stable.
D. She realized that all men are inherently emotionally unavailable and she just had to accept it.

Question 2 of 9

How does an emotionally unavailable man typically react when his partner becomes distant or threatens to end the relationship?

A. He suddenly blows hot again and starts to pursue his partner intensely.
B. He immediately agrees to go to couples therapy to fix his issues.
C. He becomes permanently hostile and cuts off all contact forever.
D. He finally provides the clear commitment the partner has been asking for.

Question 3 of 9

What is 'future faking' in the context of an emotionally unavailable man?

A. Promising to change his bad habits only after the couple gets married.
B. Pretending to have a highly successful career to impress a new partner.
C. Painting rosy pictures of a shared future to create intense early connection, with no intention of following through.
D. Refusing to talk about the future at all to avoid giving any false hope.

Question 4 of 9

Why does 'Mr. Unavailable' often try to stay friends or stalk a partner's social media after a breakup?

A. He wants to slowly build a foundation for a healthy, committed marriage.
B. He genuinely values the intellectual connection and wants to maintain a platonic friendship.
C. He is seeking closure so he can properly heal and move on to someone new.
D. He wants an ego stroke to reassure himself that he still has a hold over his ex.

Question 5 of 9

According to the book, what do the 'crocodile tears' and sob stories of an emotionally unavailable man usually signify?

A. A well-developed strategy of emotional manipulation to avoid taking responsibility for his actions.
B. A high level of emotional maturity and a willingness to be vulnerable.
C. A genuine breakthrough that shows he is finally ready for a committed relationship.
D. A sign that he needs his partner to act as his therapist so he can heal.

Question 6 of 9

Instead of obsessing over why Mr. Unavailable behaves the way he does, what does the author suggest women should do?

A. Try to uncover his childhood traumas so they can help him heal.
B. Focus on themselves and examine why they seek out men who treat them poorly.
C. Spend more time analyzing his text messages to find hidden meanings.
D. Give him an ultimatum to force him into a committed relationship.

Question 7 of 9

Which type of 'Fallback Girl' is drawn to wounded men because she wants to fix, change, or save them?

A. The Yo-yo Girl
B. The Buffer
C. The Florence (or Renovator)
D. The Flogger

Question 8 of 9

What is the primary reason the author gives for why a woman might struggle to find an emotionally available man?

A. Emotionally available men are extremely rare in the modern dating pool.
B. Emotionally available men are usually intimidated by successful, independent women.
C. The woman herself is emotionally unavailable and too caught up in dysfunctional dynamics to notice a good guy.
D. The woman has not spent enough time trying to understand male psychology.

Question 9 of 9

How does the author recommend establishing personal boundaries for a new relationship?

A. By adopting the boundaries of your friends who are in successful relationships.
B. By looking back at your parents' relationship and doing the exact opposite.
C. By letting the new partner set the pace so you don't scare them away.
D. By discovering who you really are and identifying your core values and beliefs.

Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl — Full Chapter Overview

1Recommendation
2Natalie Lue discovered she had become a magnet for unavailable men.
3Emotionally unavailable men run hot and cold, and do everything on their own terms.
4Men who rush in too quickly usually don’t stay for the long term.
5Mr. Unavailable keeps you trapped in undefined relationships.
6Unavailable men shed crocodile tears, but lack real emotional maturity.
7Rather than obsessing over Mr. Unavailable, focus on yourself.
8Fallback Girls repeatedly tolerate bad behavior from Mr. Unavailable.
9To change the relationships you have, you first need to change yourself.
10Final summary

Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl Summary & Overview

Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl (2008) provides a lifeline for anyone who keeps getting messed around by emotionally unavailable partners. With searing personal insights, tough love, and a large dose of humor, Mr Unavailable is an essential guide to breaking destructive relationship patterns and finding love.

Who Should Listen to Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl?

Anyone who feels chronically unlucky in love but can’t seem to break the cycle
Women who want to get to know themselves better and develop their self-esteem
Men recovering from bad relationships who want to avoid becoming “Mr. Unavailable”

About the Author: Natalie Lue

Natalie Lue is the self-described Marie Kondo for emotional baggage. She’s the creator of the enormously popular blog Baggage Reclaim and host of the Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast. Her second book, The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship, was published to much acclaim in 2012.