How to Know a Person audiobook cover - The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

How to Know a Person

The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

David Brooks

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Categories:
Society & CulturePsychologyPersonal DevelopmentCommunication Skills

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How to Know a Person
The Value of Seeing Others+
Diminishers vs. Illuminators+
The Art of Conversation+
Bridging Divides+
Understanding Perspectives+
Empathy and Suffering+

Quiz — Test Your Understanding

Question 1 of 8
What is the foundational step for repairing a frayed, multicultural social fabric, according to the text?
  • A. Implementing sweeping political reforms.
  • B. Improving the individual ability to see and understand others.
  • C. Eliminating small talk in daily interactions.
  • D. Grouping people by shared ideologies to reduce conflict.
Question 2 of 8
How does an 'illuminator' differ from a 'diminisher' in social interactions?
  • A. An illuminator uses people as tools to achieve mutual goals, while a diminisher ignores goals entirely.
  • B. An illuminator relies on positive stereotypes, while a diminisher relies on negative ones.
  • C. An illuminator is persistently curious and lifts people up, while a diminisher makes people feel small and unseen.
  • D. An illuminator constantly shares their own stories to build rapport, while a diminisher stays quiet.
Question 3 of 8
What does it mean to treat your attention as an 'on-off switch rather than a dimmer' during a conversation?
  • A. You should abruptly end the conversation if you lose interest.
  • B. You should alternate between talking loudly and listening quietly.
  • C. You should be entirely engaged in the conversation or not at all.
  • D. You should quickly switch the topic when the other person becomes uncomfortable.
Question 4 of 8
According to the text, what is a common mistake people make regarding pauses in conversation?
  • A. They start formulating their response while the other person is still speaking.
  • B. They use the silence to change the subject to themselves.
  • C. They maintain too much eye contact, making the other person uncomfortable.
  • D. They assume the conversation is over and walk away.
Question 5 of 8
What does the author suggest you do if a difficult conversation 'goes south' and becomes tense?
  • A. Defend your viewpoint more vigorously to ensure you are understood.
  • B. Take a step back, break the momentum, and mutually clarify the conversation's purpose.
  • C. Agree with everything the other person says to immediately de-escalate the situation.
  • D. Walk away and wait for the other person to apologize before resuming.
Question 6 of 8
What did Dennis Proffitt’s study regarding hills on the UVA campus demonstrate?
  • A. People from rural areas are better at estimating geographical features than people from coastal areas.
  • B. People in different life circumstances and physical states literally perceive the world differently.
  • C. Objective reality is easily agreed upon when physical measurements are involved.
  • D. Student athletes are generally more observant of their surroundings than non-athletes.
Question 7 of 8
How does the text recommend supporting a person who is struggling with depression?
  • A. By constantly trying to cheer them up and highlighting the positive aspects of their life.
  • B. By giving them complete space and avoiding contact until they reach out first.
  • C. By acknowledging their reality, staying present, and showing you haven't given up on them.
  • D. By sharing your own past traumas to prove that you understand their pain.
Question 8 of 8
In the context of empathy, what does the specific skill of 'caring' require you to do?
  • A. Treat the other person exactly how you would want to be treated in their situation.
  • B. Understand that the other person's needs in a moment of crisis may be very different from your own.
  • C. Take on the other person's emotional burden so they no longer have to feel it.
  • D. Rapidly analyze the psychological root of their emotional state to provide a logical solution.

How to Know a Person — Full Chapter Overview

How to Know a Person Summary & Overview

How to Know a Person (2023) challenges us to set aside our egos and look beyond people’s superficial traits to really get to know them: their stories, their passions, their motivations, and more. It acknowledges that being able to see someone and make them feel seen is hard –⁠ and yet it’s essential for cultivating healthy relationships. Fortunately, with some dedication, we can all learn how to have healthier, deeper conversations; give people quality attention; and see people in all their delightful complexity.

Who Should Listen to How to Know a Person?

  • Personal growth-seekers
  • Those starving for human connection and companionship
  • Coaches, counselors, social workers, psychologists, and HR professionals

About the Author: David Brooks

David Brooks is a commentator and author who writes for the New York Times, the Atlantic, and other publications. He’s a correspondent for PBS NewHour as well as NBC’s Meet the Press. His best-selling books on sociology, politics, and culture include Bobos in Paradise and The Social Animal. 

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