Big Feelings audiobook cover - How to be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

Big Feelings

How to be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

Mollie West Duffy and Liz Fosslien

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Categories:
PsychologyPersonal Development

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Key Takeaways from Big Feelings

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Mind Map

Big Feelings
Core Philosophy+
Uncertainty+
Comparison & Envy+
Anger+
Burnout+
Perfectionism+
Despair+
Regret+

Quiz — Test Your Understanding

Question 1 of 7
According to the study on electric shocks mentioned in the book, why did people feel more stressed when they had a 50 percent chance of receiving a shock compared to a 90 percent chance?
  • A. A 50 percent chance created more uncertainty, which people find harder to tolerate than a likely bad outcome.
  • B. The shocks in the 50 percent group were administered at a higher and more painful voltage.
  • C. The 90 percent group was allowed to prepare physically and mentally for the shock.
  • D. People in the 50 percent group were isolated from other participants, increasing their anxiety.
Question 2 of 7
How do the authors suggest we should view the feeling of envy when comparing ourselves to others?
  • A. As a toxic emotion that should be completely ignored by logging off social media.
  • B. As a sign that we need to cut ties with friends who make us feel inadequate.
  • C. As a potentially productive feeling that can teach us what we truly want or don't want.
  • D. As an indicator that we are falling behind our peers in our career progression.
Question 3 of 7
When dealing with anger, what is the ideal response type that the authors recommend working toward?
  • A. An anger suppressor, who keeps emotions bottled up to maintain peace.
  • B. An anger controller, who maintains that everything is fine even when it isn't.
  • C. An anger projector, who lets anger out immediately to avoid internalizing it.
  • D. An anger transformer, who channels the emotion into something productive and creative.
Question 4 of 7
According to the book, which of the following is a true statement about the causes of burnout?
  • A. It is exclusively caused by working excessively long hours or traveling too much.
  • B. It can occur when you find your job meaningless or feel your work is never good enough.
  • C. It only affects people in senior management or executive roles.
  • D. It is a purely physical condition unrelated to a person's values or sense of achievement.
Question 5 of 7
What is one of the key strategies the authors recommend for overcoming perfectionism?
  • A. Get comfortable with failure and recognize it as a necessary building block of your life.
  • B. Set even higher standards so that your 'failures' still result in excellent work.
  • C. Focus entirely on organizing your physical space before tackling emotional issues.
  • D. Only surround yourself with people who hold you to the same high standards you hold yourself.
Question 6 of 7
When navigating through periods of intense despair, what specific adjustment do the authors make to the common advice of 'taking it a day at a time'?
  • A. Take it a month at a time to see the bigger picture.
  • B. Take it a moment at a time, because even a single evening can feel like an eternity.
  • C. Take it a week at a time, so you can measure your progress more accurately.
  • D. Take it a year at a time, recognizing that despair is a lifelong condition.
Question 7 of 7
How do the authors suggest reframing the way we think about regrets to make them more practical?
  • A. By replacing 'should haves' about the past with 'what ifs' about the future.
  • B. By completely shutting off our ability to imagine alternative paths.
  • C. By writing apology letters to everyone we feel we have wronged.
  • D. By focusing entirely on hindsight regrets rather than alternate-self regrets.

Big Feelings — Full Chapter Overview

Big Feelings Summary & Overview

Big Feelings (2022) is a guide to coping with some of the toughest emotions we ever face, from anger to despair. By acknowledging and facing up to these emotions, it’s possible to work through them.

Who Should Listen to Big Feelings?

  • People feeling overwhelmed by big emotions
  • Anyone who struggles to open up
  • Self-help enthusiasts after advice

About the Author: Mollie West Duffy and Liz Fosslien

Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy previously cowrote No Hard Feelings, which is about emotions in the workplace. Fosslien also works at Humu and her work and illustrations have been published widely. Duffy is an organizational and leadership development expert who writes on workplace culture.

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